i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize