Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i now understand why vodka
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
