when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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