So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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