Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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