it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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