i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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