I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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