holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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