just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
