I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
