Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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