You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
