If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
