Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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