my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
