After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
someone owes me an orgasm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
