just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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