I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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