Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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