Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
