No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
