oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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