Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
