he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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