sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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