Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
