I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BRING THE BAGELS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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