Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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