Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
