he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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