a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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