last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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