Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
