IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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