In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
