So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
