My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
whose parrot is this?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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