why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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