I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
