Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A bitchslap is in order.
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