when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not ubering you a puppy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
