you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
