I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Are my feet made of real feet?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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