Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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