So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize