I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
