I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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