My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
