i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
