i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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