My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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