Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
