dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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