I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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