Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
