i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
