There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
