2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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