you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize