the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
