he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have feelings that need drinking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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