There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
