We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
