If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drake has all the answers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
