I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
