is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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