Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
