he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
