hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
