i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
